Tuesday, 30 December 2025

BEFORE YOU OPEN THAT GEMARA, GET YOURSELF AN ATTRACTIVE WIFE

Sitting quietly in the middle of a string of more apparently profound or provocative teachings of our Sages in Avot is that of Rabbi Yose at Avot 2:17:

הַתְקֵן עַצְמָךְ לִלְמוֹד תּוֹרָה, שֶׁאֵינָהּ יְרֻשָּׁה לָךְ

Prepare yourself to study Torah, since it is not an inheritance for you.

This is scarcely rocket science. Preparation is so often a prerequisite for what we do that the advice to prepare oneself seems quite unnecessary. Preparing oneself is what we do when we are planning to go out in the rain, play a game of tennis, embark upon a shopping expedition or go to bed. Why should learning Torah be anything else?

Over the years, commentators such as the Bartenura and ‘Rashi’ have focused less on the need to prepare than on the tail-end of this teaching—that Torah is not our inheritance. From our earliest youth we learn by rote that Torah is the inheritance of the Jewish people as a whole (Devarim 33:4). Be that as it may, it still has to be learned, and this is an instruction for us as individuals, for it is we who are individually tasked with the responsibility to learn, absorb, understand, comply with its guidance and ultimately transmit it (Midrash Shmuel; Rabbi Marcus Lehmann).

Rabbenu Yonah takes a strict view of the preparation one must undergo in order to learn Torah. This involves the diminution of one’s physical pleasures as well as some serious perfection of one’s character, with a special emphasis on humility. The Maharal cites humility as the prime preparation for learning Torah in his Netivot Olam and this middah also makes the list of 48 activities and attributes that make a person a Talmid Chacham at Avot 6:6.

In Berachot 57b is a statement that seems to support Rabbenu Yonah. There the Gemara states:

“Three things are marchivin a man’s mind. This is what they are: an attractive home, an attractive wife, and attractive kelim [clothing and utensils]”.

Morris Simon’s translation in the Soncino Talmud renders marchivin in this context as “increases a man’s self-esteem”. The Maharsha takes a stern view of this Gemara. Linking the word marchivin to the nefesh rechavah of Balaam’s disciples which takes them from the world (Avot 5:22), he cautions us that these three things are symbols of worldly pleasure. If we possess them for our personal gratification, we are lost.  

Surprisingly, contrary and far less austere view is expressed by Rabbi Yaakov Hillel in his generally ascetic and often acerbic commentary, Eternal Ethics from Sinai. There he observes:

“At first glance we would not imagine that factors such as these would contribute to our development as Torah scholars. And yet, would the Sages provide advice like this as a tip for success in business or… for deriving maximum enjoyment out of life in this world? It can only mean that these circumstances will help us grow in Torah.

If we use these gifts for the sake of Heaven, as a means to spiritual growth, they are positive and beneficial, and they will give us the peace of mind we need to learn Torah”.

This view is favourable for those of us with hedonistic tendencies, though it is hard to reconcile it with Avot 6:4, where an anonymous mishnah opts for a hair-shirt approach:

כַּךְ הִיא דַּרְכָּהּ שֶׁל תּוֹרָה: פַּת בְּמֶֽלַח תֹּאכֵל, וּמַֽיִם בִּמְשׂוּרָה תִּשְׁתֶּה, וְעַל הָאָֽרֶץ תִּישָׁן, וְחַיֵּי צַֽעַר תִּחְיֶה, וּבַתּוֹרָה אַתָּה עָמֵל, אִם אַתָּה עֽוֹשֶׂה כֵּן, אַשְׁרֶֽיךָ וְטוֹב לָךְ, אַשְׁרֶֽיךָ בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה, וְטוֹב לָךְ לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא

Such is the way of Torah: Bread with salt you shall eat, water in small measure you shall drink, and upon the ground you shall sleep; live a life of deprivation and toil in Torah. If you do so, "you are fortunate and it is good is to you" (Tehillim 128:2): fortunate in this world, and it is good to you in the World To Come.

Rather than grumble about mixed messages and inconsistency, I think it is preferable to conclude that the various views reflected in these teachings are inconsistent only because they are addressing different personality types and people who are at different stages of their lives. Our task is then to work out which of these competing messages is the one for each of us.

For comments and discussion of this post on Facebook, click here.