Playing with power

An Avot mishnah for Shabbat: Perek 3 (parashat Shelach Lecha)

Continuing our series of erev Shabbat posts on the perek of the week, we return to Perek 3.

Now here’s a mystery. We have a three-part mishnah in the name of Rabbi Yishmael (Avot 3:16) and our sages only agree about the third part:

הֱוֵי קַל לְרֹאשׁ, וְנֽוֹחַ לְתִשְׁחֽוֹרֶת, וֶהֱוֵי מְקַבֵּל אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם בְּשִׂמְחָה

Be easy to a rosh, affable to a tishchoret, and receive every man with happiness.

Our problem is that we cannot agree on the meaning of any of the key words, and especially rosh and tishchoret. One rabbi (R’ Marcus Lehmann, The Lehmann-Prins Pirkei Avoth) actually gives our mishnah four quite different translations.

Commentators over the years have maintained that the rosh is one’s head, one’s ego, a ruler, a leader, a superior, an elder, a civic leader, a venerable old man—and even God.

As for the tishchoret, this has been explained as someone who is young, old, black-haired, oppressed, a town clerk, the king’s secretary, or a time at which one should be slow and steady.

R’ Yishmael’s words were incorporated into this tractate over 1,800 years ago and we have lovingly preserved them while losing track of their original meaning. However, we cannot walk away from a mishnah and pretend it doesn’t exist so we must take on the task of giving it our own meaning, one that is both Torah-compliant and suited to the needs of our generation. R’ Reuven P. Bulka (Chapters of the Sages: A Psychological Commentary on Pirkey Avoth) seeks to do just that. He writes:

“The present mishna deals with ego difficulties relative to communal functioning. Primarily, they may be said to focus around individuals who have not reached the position of prominence in the community they felt was appropriate for them. The general tendency of such individuals is to downgrade those who have superseded them and to discourage those who would in the future gain the very positions they have failed to attain”.

Anyone who has been involved in Jewish communal affairs is likely to have come across people who fit this bill. Basically good-hearted and well-meaning souls, they feel they have been taken for granted and are disgruntled at not being voted into positions of authority or being nominated as one of the chatanim on Simchat Torah. They may become sullen and unhelpful towards those who are less experienced than themselves and who might benefit from the assistance of an older person. It can be a struggle to overcome one’s inner demons and, in R’ Bulka’s view, this is what Rabbi Yishmael has in mind.

Or perhaps we can summarise it simply like this: don’t demean the authority of those above you and don’t abuse your authority when dealing with those below you.

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The message on the door

How should we deal with other people? Pirkei Avot is full of general guidance. Thus, for instance, we should love them and lead them into the ways of the Torah (1:12), which essentially means the ways of peace (Proverbs 3:17). We should greet them pleasantly (1:15, 3:16) and give them personal space when they need it (4:23). If they are bad neighbours or a bad influence we should keep our distance (1:7), but we should give them the benefit of the doubt if we can (1:6).

Avot also encourages us to learn from everyone (4:1). It is a bit of a cliche to talk about getting an education from the University of Life, but we should recognise our potential to learn from everything in the world and from every experience we have, regardless of whether we set out to do so or whether the lesson is painfully imprinted on us.

One of my favourite lessons comes from the door to the Pomeranz bookshop in Jerusalem. The outside of the front door carries a notice that reads "Pull gently"; on the inside, a corresponding notice reads "Push gently". In the nicest possible way I felt that this door was speaking to me. Its message: this is exactly how we should strive to deal with other people.

Every one of us has the capacity to make an impact on others. Sometimes we consciously or unconsciously influence those who are around us. On other occasions we feel their influence and may want to lessen it or even break free from it altogether. The message of the door is clear, though: whatever we do, and whichever way we go, we should be gentle where and when we can.

In practical terms this means that. whether we wish to pull others into the orbit of our lives or push back from their hopes and plans for us, we should treat them gently and with respect because they, like us, are created in the image of God (Avot 3:18, citing Genesis 9:6). No shouting, no pressurising, no psychological warfare -- only be gentle with others, just like you would prefer them to be towards you.