From a stranger to a good friend

When Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai asked his five top students to get out of the Beit Midrash in order to go and see what was the good path that one should choose for oneself, he received a range of answers. The relevant mishnah in Avot (2:13) reads like this:

אָמַר לָהֶם: צְאוּ וּרְאוּ אֵיזוֹ הִיא דֶּֽרֶךְ טוֹבָה שֶׁיִּדְבַּק בָּהּ הָאָדָם. רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶֽזֶר אוֹמֵר: עַֽיִן טוֹבָה. רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻֽׁעַ אוֹמֵר: חָבֵר טוֹב. רַבִּי יוֹסֵי אוֹמֵר: שָׁכֵן טוֹב. רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן אוֹמֵר: הָרוֹאֶה אֶת הַנּוֹלָד. רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר אוֹמֵר: לֵב טוֹב. אָמַר לָהֶם: רוֹאֶה אֲנִי אֶת דִּבְרֵי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן עֲרָךְ מִדִּבְרֵיכֶם, שֶׁבִּכְלַל דְּבָרָיו דִּבְרֵיכֶם

[Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai] said to them: “Go and see which is the best trait for a person to acquire”. Said Rabbi Eliezer: “Magnanimity of spirit [literally A good eye”]. Said Rabbi Yehoshua: “A good friend”. Said Rabbi Yose: “A good neighbour”. Said Rabbi Shimon: “To see the consequences of one’s actions”. Said Rabbi Elazar: “A good attitude [literally A good heart”].  [Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai] said to them: “I prefer the words of Elazar the son of Arach to yours, for his words include all of yours”.

Rabbi Elazar ben Arach might appear to be the “winner” in this “contest”, but that would be to over-simplify a complex mishnah. Each of the five answers which Rabban Yochanan ben Zakkai received is valid and correct. The essential difference between them is that Rabbi Elazar ben Arach’s answer is expressed in general terms, whereas each of his four colleagues points to a specific example or instance of a “good path” to pursue in fulfilling one’s aims in life.

Of the “losers”, Rabbi Yehoshua seems to have the least to offer. In the first place his words are so epigrammatic that we do not know what they mean. Is he referring to the virtues of having a good friend, or of being a good friend to someone else? Secondly, is not friendship arguably sufficiently covered within Avot and Jewish ethical literature in general to be taken as read?

In an attempt to make something of this teaching, commentators in our times have greatly enriched it. For example Rabbi Yisroel Miller (The Wisdom of Avos) writes:

Picture one of your acquaintances whom you don’t dislike but are not particularly close to. His life seems to be going OK as far as you know. Now imagine that you read in his diary: “My bones shudder. My soul is utterly confounded… I am wearied with my sigh, every night I drench my bed in tears. My eye is dimmed because of anger, aged by my tormentors”. Besides your surprise at his poetic writing style, wouldn’t you feel a wave of compassion for this tormented soul whose sufferings you were totally aware of?

 This man’s words, Rabbi Miller reminds us, are part of the regular Tachanun we recite most days—and our sages of old told us to say them because, for every one of us in one way or another, they are a true expression of our feelings.  We should therefore look at this casual acquaintance and appreciate that he too, like every human, experiences feelings like this without our awareness of them. Rabbi Miller continues:

Look again at your neighbour, bring out your compassion, and say “I can’t take away his pain (especially since I don’t know what it is, but I can add a small measure of joy and comfort to his life by trying to be his friend”. After focusing on one acquaintance, move on to another, and little by little your circle of love begins to grow and you become transformed.

I’m very moved by these words. Has Rabbi Miller simply provided a fanciful and idealistic cadenza with which to grace a somewhat mundane teaching, or is there more to it?  Recalling how Rabbi Yehoshua befriended the poor young Rabbi Eliezer ben Hyrcanus, as mentioned in the Pirkei deRabbi Eliezer, I should like to think that he would warmly welcome Rabbi Miller’s explanation.

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From Gay to Garber: will Harvard be singing a new tune?

Few of us will have had time to forget the circumstances leading to the resignation of Claudine Gay as Harvard’s University President, or the immense shock and pain felt by the Jewish community over her official stance on statements concerning genocide of the Jews. Ms Gay has since been replaced by Alan Garber (“born … in a Jewish household”, per Wikipedia), who is seeking to reduce the level of tension and anxiety in what was, until recently, one of the world’s most revered and respected institutions.

The Harvard Gazette reported yesterday as follows:

University President Alan Garber urged the campus community to seek opportunities for unity in a time of divisiveness on Tuesday at the first Morning Prayers ceremony of the new academic year at Memorial Church’s Appleton Chapel.

Garber opened his address with words of advice from the Talmudic compendium Pirkei Avot, or “Ethics of the Fathers,” traditionally read on the Sabbath. “Find yourself a teacher,” he said. “Win yourself a friend, and be one who judges everyone by giving them the benefit of the doubt.”

Garber, who took the helm of the University at a time of unrest over the war in Gaza, echoed themes he touched on during Monday’s Convocation, urging members of the community to seek common ground, treat one another with empathy and respect, and learn from the rich diversity of views on campus.

He explained that finding a teacher means seeking out people “whose experiences, skills and perspectives are different from your own, and whose knowledge and wisdom often exceed yours,” and “winning yourself a friend” requires offering “companionship, empathy, concern, support, and trustworthiness.”

“We’re all too adept at recognizing the flaws of our antagonists and even of our friends,” Garber said. “It’s tempting to interpret the actions of others in the worst possible light. It is better for all of us to do the opposite.”

Garber shook his head at recent headlines saying the nation’s colleges and universities have no choice but to brace for continuing disruption and unrest. He called it a “dismal notion” at an institution like Harvard, which is “pushing the limits of understanding, pursuing genuine excellence in every domain, and making ourselves, our University, and the world better.” 

These impediments can be avoided. “This is not a time to brace ourselves,” he said. “This is a time to embrace once another. We can do so by always keeping that third precept in mind. Be one who judges everyone by giving them the benefit of the doubt. By reserving judgment, we make it possible for others to know that they are part of this community and that this community cares for them.”

Garber said the key was “to bring to day-to-day interactions the same commitment to inquiry and discovery that we bring to our intellectual pursuits. If and when tensions among us rise, I hope that we will approach each other not only as fellow human beings, but as potential teachers and friends”…

Professor Garber’s mention of Pirkei Avot—in this case the teaching of Yehoshua ben Perachyah at Avot 1:6—is the latest example of the citation of mishnayot in order to make a political point (see also the speeches of Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro here and here).  

In this instance one can see why this mishnah is chosen: it reminds its audience that Harvard is about teaching; it sends out a positive message of friendship and it arguably also encourages people not to judge each other as individuals and not collectively.  The message has a Jewish origin but is of universal application.

I wonder whether any other message from Avot was considered and then rejected. At Avot 4:1 Ben Zoma teaches: “Who is honoured/respected? The person who honours/respects others”. But perhaps asking the Harvard faculty and student body to honour or respect one another is demanding too much.  At Avot 3:18 Rabbi Akiva reminds us that we are all created in God’s image—but this would scarcely impress those who do not believe in God. And Hillel at Avot 1:12 urges us to love peace and pursue it. Maybe, given the chasm that separates different definitions of “peace” in Israel, in Gaza and on the Harvard campus itself, this would not be a consensus teaching after all.

I’d be curious to discover what readers think of Professor Garber’s statement and the appropriateness of his choice of Avot citation.

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Well-worn mishnah, well-worded explanation

Last week I had some kind words for the Tiferet Tzion, a gentle and user-friendly but sadly forgotten commentary on Avot by Rabbi Yitzchak Ze’ev Yadler. But praise is of no value unless there is some evidence that it is deserved. I shall now make up that omission by relating Rabbi Yadler’s short explanation of one of the best-known teachings in Avot.

In the first perek, Yehoshua ben Perachya teaches:

עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת

“Make for yourself a teacher, acquire for yourself a friend, and judge every man meritoriously”. (Avot 1:6).

Most commentators explain this Mishnah in a similar fashion. They discuss the importance of having a teacher and the steps one should take to procure one, as well as reviewing the course of action to pursue if one knows more than any available teacher or where one has two or more teachers. As for the acquisition of a friend, this has repercussions both for learning Torah—where a chavruta (learning partner) can be a valuable foil—and for serving as a sounding-board against which to bounce one’s ideas, ambitions and worries. Judging others meritoriously affects not only one’s relationship with other humans but also the quality of our own characters when we stand before God: we cannot expect God to be lenient in judging us if we have not taken the same line when judging our fellows.

 The Tiferet Tzion treats this mishnah quite differently, as a way of relating to other people. Essentially, there are three classes of people in everyone’s life: those who are ahead of us in knowledge and experience, those who are our peers and those over whom we have the edge—maybe because we are older, cleverer or just happen to know more. Yehoshua ben Perachya’s teaching focuses on this tripartite scheme.

For those who are ahead of us, we can make them our teachers since we are sure to be able to learn something from them. As for those who are our peers and equals, we should embrace them in friendship: we do not know-tow obsequiously to them, but neither do we strive to laud it over them. Then there are those who are less fortunate than ourselves when it comes to knowledge or intellectual capacity. We should not scorn or disrespect them but judge them favourably, bearing in mind the educational opportunities or natural abilities that they may not have possessed.

Rabbi Yadler does not claim this explanation as a chiddush, a work of his own intellectual creation, and it may well be that others have learned this mishnah the same way. All I can say is that I had not seen it before and thought that it was expressed in an economical, understated way that did not obscure the words of the Tanna.