Holding the line

Yesterday I was waiting a little restlessly in line to pay for my purchases. I am rarely impatient, but the line was long, the day was hot and I was holding three Chocolate Magnums which I hoped to bring home in a solid state.

At the head of the line was a man who was holding us all up. His purchases had been checked through and the man at the check-out desk was awaiting payment. Our customer was however in no hurry. He was conducting a social conversation by phone to a friend of his. The phone was in loudspeaker mode so we were all regaled with this dialogue. The customer himself had a stentorian voice and it was difficult and distracting to do anything else while he was speaking. Eventually the next customer in line politely asked him if he would please lower the volume of his voice and also pay for his goods. He turned to her in rage and bellowed at her: "Who gave you authority to tell me how loud my voice should be?" At length, the man paid, took his groceries and left the store, to the manifest relief of those still there. What, I asked myself, were the provisions of Pirkei Avot that might apply to this rude and selfish behaviour? Shopping etiquette is not a topic that gets much coverage in Avot, though Rabbi Akiva (Avot 3:20) reminds us that one can't go shopping on credit and expect not to have to pay in the end. In the end, I decided that the appropriate mishnah in Avot was one authored by the saintly Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa at Avot 3:13:

כֹּל שֶׁרֽוּחַ הַבְּרִיּוֹת נוֹחָה הֵימֶֽנּוּ, רֽוּחַ הַמָּקוֹם נוֹחָה הֵימֶֽנּוּ. וְכֹל שֶׁאֵין רֽוּחַ הַבְּרִיּוֹת נוֹחָה הֵימֶֽנּוּ, אֵין רֽוּחַ הַמָּקוֹם נוֹחָה הֵימֶֽנּוּ

Someone who is pleasing to his fellow humans is pleasing to God. But one who is not pleasing to his fellow humans does not please God.

In a tractate that focuses on good behavioral characteristics and moral conduct, this teaching seems out of place. All it appears to do at first glance is to address our relationship with God. But if it belongs in Avot at all, this teaching must have a message for us in our daily lives—and this is it. Rabbi Chanina ben Dosa is actually cautioning us that, when we have a choice in how we behave, we should act in such a way as to give pleasure to others, and certainly not choose the path that will annoy or antagonise them. Why, because we will not only incur the displeasure of those whom we could have made happy, or not rubbed up the wrong way. We will also incur the displeasure of God.

Oh, and if you were wondering -- the Chocolate Magnums got home safe and sound.

For comments and discussion of this post on Facebook, click here