“Oh, I'm just a soul whose
intentions are good.
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood”.
Avot encourages us to judge others favourably (Avot 1:6),
but this is not a foolproof way of avoiding misunderstanding. In effect, it
demands of us that we impose a favourable construction on what we see or hear—but
it only comes into play once we regard what we see or hear as wrongful, unethical
or illegal conduct. It is also hard to do in many situations, for example where
a physician prescribes the wrong dosage of a medication on the basis of an
inadequate understanding of the condition he is treating.
The ideal resolution of misunderstandings is for everyone to
speak and write with perfect clarity and to act in a manner that is entirely
unambiguous. This isn’t going to happen, particularly at a time when time is precious,
soundbites are king and patience is short. We also live in an era in which we
are apt to neglect the art of attentive listening and accurate reading.
Be that as it may, we can all do better if we try. And try we should, because the stake are high
and the cost of failure in the joined-up age of the social media can be
devastating. This is the point made by Rabbi Elchanan Poupko in a recent Times
of Israel blogpost (“Pirkei Avot: Words Tested by Time”, here)
There he quotes the warning given by Avtalyon that opens Avot 1:11: “Sages, be
careful with your words”. Avtalyon continues by dramatically depicting a
scenario in which words erroneously spoken by a person with influence are
picked up by followers who take them to heart, with potentially fatal
consequences.
R; Poupko develops this theme and takes it further:
“… Even when saying the right
thing, someone in a position of authority must be extra careful about what will
be done with those words. True, you can always clarify and answer questions
about what it is that you meant when you are at the place where you are making
your statements, but you may not always be there. You will not always be able
to clarify your words. If this was something we needed to elaborate on decades
and centuries ago, the advances of the internet and social media make it
clearer than ever. Statements that are made as part of a conversation and
developing a thought can be screenshotted and immortalized into iron-clad
statements.
What is said to one group with a
certain sensitivity and understanding can then be lifted and posted to another
group that will not share the same understanding. What is said privately to one
person who needs to hear one thing can be easily made public to others, and the
most intimate of exchanges are just a screenshot away from potentially being
presented to billions of people who will use it against a person who innocently
wrote it for an audience of one. This is why sages, rabbis, and people in public
positions must be extra careful about what they say. Even if something is
right, true, and appropriate for one audience, the speaker must consider the
possibility that they will one day not be there to explain the words that were
spoken and now might be misunderstood and misused”.
It’s hard even for the most literate among us to escape having
our words misconstrued, since their comprehension depends on how others read or
hear them. But we can still make the effort. Avtalyon’s advice is none the less
correct on account of the challenge we face in following it
Many of us will have little difficulty in recalling politicians,
teachers, entertainers, sports personalities and family members whose words
have been either inaccurately quoted or accurately quoted out of context, to devastating
effect. Each time this happens, there is a personal misfortune or even tragedy
at the end of it. Before we too play our part in this cycle of misunderstanding
we should ask ourselves: is this what God wants of us? And are we being the
sort of person we really want to be?
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