The message on the door

How should we deal with other people? Pirkei Avot is full of general guidance. Thus, for instance, we should love them and lead them into the ways of the Torah (1:12), which essentially means the ways of peace (Proverbs 3:17). We should greet them pleasantly (1:15, 3:16) and give them personal space when they need it (4:23). If they are bad neighbours or a bad influence we should keep our distance (1:7), but we should give them the benefit of the doubt if we can (1:6).

Avot also encourages us to learn from everyone (4:1). It is a bit of a cliche to talk about getting an education from the University of Life, but we should recognise our potential to learn from everything in the world and from every experience we have, regardless of whether we set out to do so or whether the lesson is painfully imprinted on us.

One of my favourite lessons comes from the door to the Pomeranz bookshop in Jerusalem. The outside of the front door carries a notice that reads "Pull gently"; on the inside, a corresponding notice reads "Push gently". In the nicest possible way I felt that this door was speaking to me. Its message: this is exactly how we should strive to deal with other people.

Every one of us has the capacity to make an impact on others. Sometimes we consciously or unconsciously influence those who are around us. On other occasions we feel their influence and may want to lessen it or even break free from it altogether. The message of the door is clear, though: whatever we do, and whichever way we go, we should be gentle where and when we can.

In practical terms this means that. whether we wish to pull others into the orbit of our lives or push back from their hopes and plans for us, we should treat them gently and with respect because they, like us, are created in the image of God (Avot 3:18, citing Genesis 9:6). No shouting, no pressurising, no psychological warfare -- only be gentle with others, just like you would prefer them to be towards you.