Sadly, the circumstances of our brief meeting did not permit me to question him further. I wanted to know if he seriously expected a wife to drop out of the sky and into his lap, as it were, without exerting himself in any way. I was also curious to ask whether a wife, in his opinion, was an acquisition, or a working partner in a relationship of mutual love and respect. There were other questions, too many to list here.
I now find myself wondering what aspects of Pirkei Avot might be brought to bear in analysing this young man's conduct and perhaps in advising him how to proceed in his quest for his heart's desire.
It is clear that having faith in the chachamim -- the wise (and by implication his rabbi) -- is praised as a virtue (Avot 6:6), but this is in the context of acquiring Torah rather than that of finding a wife. However,he notion of using a rabbi's blessing as a means of procuring a wife falls outside the scope of Avot entirely.
Would Avot actively advise a young man to ditch the blessing route and make the effort to find a wife for himself? The idea of being self-sufficient in fulfilling one's needs rather than leaving things to others can arguably be linked loosely to Hillel's broad teaching at Avot 1:14 ("If I am not for me, who is for me? And if I am only for me, what am I?"). Ben He He's mishnah at Avot 5:26 ("According to the effort, so is the reward") might suggest that our friend could get a better wife if he made more effort, but that is well outside the scope of usual Torah-related interpretations of it.
I shall continue to dwell on this fascinating issue. in the meantime, suggestions are welcome from readers of this blog as to how Pirkei Avot might best advise this young man.
