Rabbis: what do we really need them for?

The need to get oneself a rabbi is mentioned twice in Pirkei Avot -- first by Yehoshua ben Perachya (at 1:6) and then again by Rabban Gamliel (at 1:16). The first of those rabbis adds the need to acquire for oneself a friend. In simple terms, this means only that everyone needs a spiritual guide or mentor when navigating their course through life, as well as a companion with whom they can discuss their feelings and experiences and against whom they can bounce their ideas, expose their fears and share their moments of success and happiness.

My synagogue -- a fairly close-knit community synagogue in Jerusalem -- is currently seeking an associate rabbi to support the current incumbent, a distinguished scholar whose weight of years make it hard for him to meet the many and wide-ranging demands of its membership. This set me thinking about the advice to get oneself a rabbi.

Pirkei Avot is a code of guidance that, in essence, is addressed to individuals. Every person is unique and possesses a bundle of skills, interests, aptitudes and concerns. When choosing a rabbi, it is probable that each of us starts from the position of looking at what we need and then seeking a rabbi who is most likely to address all or at least most of those needs. This cannot be so easily done collectively, since every community is comprised of individuals whose needs and interests are different.

In the case of our synagogue, a job description was drafted and the membership was invited to complete a questionnaire in which they could indicate their preferences. From what I have heard from fellow congregants, the successful candidate should ideally be old and wise yet young and imaginative, possessed of great interpersonal skills yet immersed in Torah learning, full of drive and energy yet endlessly patient and possessed of a full range of pastoral skills. He should also be well-known and well-established, yet willing to step away from his current post in order to join our small and aging, if undoubtedly enthusiastic, community. If such a person can be found, we shall be well blessed.

My personal feeling is that we will not have fulfilled the precept of getting a rabbi by merely making a communal appointment. The words of the two mishnayot are expressed in Hebrew in the singular: עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב (aseh lecha rav). The rabbi should be personal to each of us. Or, as a viable alternative, each of us should be able to establish a viable personal relationship with him.

This in turn leads me to speculate as to how far a person's relationship with his or her rabbi should go. An interesting point to ponder is to ask the question: "which of the following issues would you discuss with your rabbi?"

• Which city or area to live in;

• Whether to buy a particular house or apartment;

• Which school or college to attend or send a child to;

• Whether a person whom one contemplates marrying is a suitable match;

• Which charity or charities to support and how much to give them;

• How to control one’s temper;

• How to handle a bout of depression;

• What books to take on holiday;

• How to dress when attending social functions;

• Whether to forgive a person who has caused personal pain or financial loss.

Thoughts, anyone?