R’ Hedaya
offers an answer. Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi is entitled to refer to the humblest of
all men as “Moshe” because it is not his real name. Following his birth he
would have received a name from his parents, and it is only once Pharaoh’s
daughter has found and claimed him that he is given the name Moshe with the
explanation Ki min hamayim mishisihu (“For I drew him from the water”: Shemot
2:10).
Although
the Torah refers to him as Moshe throughout the rest of the Torah, this is out
of respect for the noble life-saving action of his rescuer. In essence,
however, it is only a substitute for the name that it would be disrespectful
for us, his talmidim to call him. And what was his birthname? The Torah
does not record it, but midrash puts forward no fewer than 10 of them. R’
Hedaya suggests Tov (per R’ Meir at Sotah 12a) or Tuvyah (per R’ Yehudah, ibidem).
Notions as
to what constitutes respect clearly vary in time and space and as between the
generations. When I attended school in London back in the 1950s and later in
the more permissive age of the “Swinging 60s”, no child would dare to call a
teacher by their first name to their face, though we all did behind their backs.
Now in Israel I note that practices are very different, depending on the
school, and its religious orientation.
Slightly
changing the subject, I’d like to invite further exploration of the way we
refer to one another.
Later in
Avot we learn that one should not embarrass another person in public (Avot
3:15). Though it may not be immediately apparent, this has a good deal to do
with names. Within the Jewish community there are many people who prefer to use
their Hebrew name because their “English name”, which appears on their birth
certificates and in their passports, causes them embarrassment. To call them by
the name their parents chose for them may not only embarrass them but can cause
considerable offence.
This same
applies not only to Jews but to everyone, regardless of religion, race and nationality.
Over the years I have had numerous friends who have sought to bury their
awkward or unloved forenames or middle names, and I expect that I am far from
alone in witnessing people being teased for having names that caused them
grief.
The use of
an embarrassing if genuine name is not always intended to be hurtful. Often the
offenders are parents who chose a child’s name with a very good reason and who,
having always used that name, find it difficult or upsetting to switch to
another.
Ultimately,
it seems to me, our objective should be to avoid upsetting or annoying others.
We should give them their due respect, however apparently trivial their
feelings may seem to us. This is part
and parcel of R’ Chanina ben Dosa’s advice (Avot 3:13) that, if we want our
actions to be pleasing to God, we should act in such a way as to make them pleasing
to our fellow humans too.
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