If not now, when? A time for focus, a time for family

Hillel’s neat apothegm, “If I am not for me, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” (Avot 1:14) is the subject of many explanations, ranging from the prosaic to the profound. Given the fact that we have so many details of Hillel’s life and times, as well as so many other sayings of his, it is almost too easy to find a real-life context to which this famous saying applies. There are also many context-free explanations, of which I have just came across the following one, brought in the Kerem Chemed of Rabbi Yehudah Rabinovitz in the name of the Chatam Sofer.

The words that open this mishnah—“If I am not for me, who will be for me?”—are spoken by the bachelor who, free of family responsibilities, can pursue his interests without hindrance. Learning Torah, he can push himself to the limit, burn the midnight oil when it suits him, bury himself the Gemara and generally focus fully on the object of his studies. There is no millstone round his neck; no demands are made upon him except those he imposes on himself.

The second part of the mishnah—“And if I am only for myself, what am I?”—is spoken by the married man who also pursues Torah learning. The Torah teaches: “it is not good for man to be alone” (Bereshit 2:18), and a man without a wife is man without Torah, without good and without blessing. And a good wife will help him find time for Torah learning despite his domestic responsibilities.

The final part of the mishnah--“And if not now, when?”—is recited by the bachelor and the married man together. Why, because if the bachelor were to say “if I am only for myself, what am I?”, or the married man were to say “If I am not for me, who will be for me?”, neither would have the right attitude towards the use they should immediately be making of their time.it

While the Chatam Sofer’s words are directed to students of Torah, it seems to me that they are clearly of wider application. In any sphere of activity, the time for focusing on it to the exclusion of all else, like the time for taking risks, is when a person does so at his or her own expense and not at the expense of dependants and loved ones. This is not always possible, particularly where changes in the employment market require the acquisition of complex and hard-to-learn skills, but equally one should avoid change for change’s sake if it jeopardises family security.