Virtual friends: where Avot meets Facebook

Though I have been an active user of the social media since 2002, it is only recently that I have gained any sort of meaningful experience of Facebook. The use of this platform is an obvious topic zone of application of the ancient principles of Pirkei Avot.

On my personal account I am currently receiving several requests a day to become a “friend” of people whom I have never met and of whom I have never heard. Many of these people have outlandish names, offer no meaningful information as to their identity and have no obvious point of connection with me. I’m an inherently friendly person and hate to say “no” to anyone, so how should I react?

Avot offers the following guidance:

• Do not judge any person only by their name or by the photograph that appears on their Facebook page (Avot 4:27);
  
  
• Recall that every person is created in God’s image (3:18) and that I should respect them if I expect them to demonstrate the same respect for me (4:1);
  
  
• Recall also that a person who is wise who can learn from everyone (4:1), so every fresh encounter with a stranger – even online – is an opportunity to improve myself;
  
  
• In the event that I should be required to form an opinion as to anyone's motives for wishing to be my friend, I should presume, in the absence of evidence to the contrary, that their motives are good (1:6);
  
  
• To be loved (or at any rate respected and liked) by others is one of the 48 things that lead to the acquisition of Torah (6:6);
  
  
• One should however distance oneself from someone who is wicked or who is a bad neighbour (1:7) and, while one should acquire for oneself a friend (1:6), one must recognise that the acquisition of a bad friend is a derech ra’ah (a “bad path”) that one should seek to avoid (2:14).

I am saddened to report that this guidance has not led to a meaningful expansion of my circle of friends. Many of those whom I have accepted as friends have plainly harboured motives of an unworthy nature. Apart from being offered the prospect of Nigerian gold in return for an unsecured loan, I have been pursued by people intent in extracting all sorts of personal information from me, and I have been targeted by people who clearly perceive me as being vulnerable to manipulation for their own purposes.

While I don’t like “unfriending” anyone, I have no compunction about doing so. However, I must admit that it hurts to do so, even though I have good grounds for suspecting that some of the people I’ve “unfriended” are not real people at all but carefully crafted personas that are designed to gain the confidence of the vulnerable.

Have reades of this weblog any thoughts to offer on this issue? If so, I’d love to hear from you.