It is impossible for a normal person to feel no anger at all, since anger is one of the most basic emotions; indeed, it is something we share with many members of the animal kingdom. The object of the exercise from our point of view is to take our anger and channel it towards constructive ends rather than simply indulge in a spot of self-indulgent rage or upset others when we might do better to have a go at improving them.
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| Keep it under control! |
At Avot 2:15 Rabbi Eliezer ben Hyrcanus teaches that one should be slow to anger: this suggests that it is a sort of nuclear option, to be kept in reserve for when everything else (offering reasons, being polite and friendly, exercising iron self-control in not retaliating) fails. Rashi points out that this is what God does in Numbers 12:7-9. The scenario is that Moses' siblings Miriam and Aaron are talking critically about Moses behind his back, in a manner of which God certainly disapproves. God displays His anger, but not before first telling Miriam and Aaron why.
We should follow this example. Apart from the fact that there is an unimpeachable precedent for doing so, there is a practical benefit too. If you show your anger first and then explain why, the person you are talking to will be smarting from the power of your rage and will pay less attention to your reasons: show your reasons first and then -- if it is really necessary -- show your anger and you will have made your point more effectively.
