At the beginning of May I posted “Taking steps, or taking a path”. This piece reviewed Rabbi Avigdor Miller’s ‘Ten Steps to Greatness’, pointed out how they reflected earlier teachings in Pirkei Avot and invited readers to submit their own suggestions for acquiring greatness—which sadly none of them did.
R’ Sacks’ list runs like this [but with Avot allusions
added in bold text]:
1. Give thanks. Once a day take
quiet time to feel gratitude for what you have, not impatience for what you
don’t have [gratitude for what one has is covered by Avot 4:1 and 6:6].
This alone will bring you halfway to happiness. We already have most of the
ingredients of a happy life. It’s just that we tend to take these for granted
and focus on unmet wants, unfulfilled desires. Giving thanks is better than
shopping – and cheaper too [on the potentially detrimental metaphorical effect
of shopping see Rabbi Akiva at Avot 3:20].
2. Praise. Catch someone doing
something right and say so. Most people, most of the time, are unappreciated.
Being recognised, thanked and congratulated by someone else is one of the most
empowering things that can happen to us [Recognising the good in other
people and giving them credit for it feature in Avot 6:6]. So don’t wait
for someone to do it for you: do it for someone else. You will make their day,
and that will help to make yours.
3. Spend time with your family.
Make sure that there is at least one time a week when you sit down to have a
meal together with no distractions – no television, no phone, no email, just
being together and celebrating one another’s company. Happy marriages and
healthy families need dedicated time [this course of action is arguably the
easiest way to achieve the objectives of ‘being loved’ and ‘loving other people’
as articulated in Avot 6:1 and 6:6].
4. Discover meaning. Take time
out, once in a while, to ask: “Why am I here? What do I hope to achieve? How
best can I use my gifts? What would I wish to be said about me when I am no
longer here?” [Introspection of this nature resonates with Hillel’s teaching
at 1:14]. Finding meaning is essential to a fulfilled life – and how can
you find it if you never look? If you don’t know where you want to be, you will
never get there, however fast you run.
5. Live your values. Most of us
believe in high ideals, but we act on them only sporadically. The best thing to
do is to establish habits that get us to enact those ideals daily. This is
called ritual, and it is what religions remember but ethicists often forget [Living
one’s values requires a person to exercise constant judgement in making sure
that his deeds are not merely good but that they are consistent with what he is
as a person, hence Avot 1:1: be deliberate in (self)-judgement].
6. Forgive. This is the emotional
equivalent of losing excess weight. Life is too short to bear a grudge or seek
revenge. Forgiving someone is good for them but even better for you. The bad
has happened. It won’t be made better by your dwelling on it. Let it go. Move
on [Forgiveness as such doesn’t get a mention in Avot, but giving others the
benefit of the doubt is often a prelude to the act of forgiveness. Avot 1:6].
7. Keep learning. I learnt this
from Florence in Newcastle, whom I last met the day she celebrated her 105th
birthday. She was still full of energy and fun. “What’s the secret?” I asked
her. “Never be afraid to learn something new,” she said. Then I realised that
if you are willing to learn, you can be 105 and still young. If you are not,
you can be 25 and already old [by citing what he learned from Florence, R’
Sacks provides a great example of Ben Zoma’s teaching at Avot 4:1: “Who is
wise? The person who learns from everyone”].
8. Learn to listen. Often in
conversation we spend half our time thinking of what we want to say next
instead of paying attention to what the other person is saying [attentive
listening comes in Avot 6:6]. Listening is one of the greatest gifts we can
give to someone else. It means that we are open to them, that we take them
seriously and that we accept graciously their gift of words.
9. Create moments of silence in
the soul. Liberate yourself, if only five minutes daily, from the tyranny of
technology, the mobile phone, the laptop and all the other electronic
intruders, and just inhale the heady air of existence, the joy of being [as
Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel says at Avot 1:17: “I have found nothing better for
oneself than silence”].
10. Transform suffering. When bad
things happen, use them to sensitise you to the pain of others. The greatest
people I know – people who survived tragedy and became stronger as a result –
did not ask “Who did this to me?” Instead, they asked “What does this allow me
to do that I could not have done before?” They refused to become victims of
circumstance. They became, instead, agents of hope [kabbalat yisurim—a
positive acceptance of suffering—is mentioned at Avot 6:6].
Thoughts, anyone?
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